Hospitality: Isn't it entertaining?
By Alexa McNabb
There is a certain allure to entertaining the Martha Stewart way. Tabletops gleaming with crystal and gold-edged china, self-arranged bouquets of the latest seasonal flowers and the savory aroma of a precision-crafted gourmet dinner certainly make an impact, and it should because beauty is a good thing. But the other message often underlying the culinary eloquence is the less-than-appealing quality of arrogant pride:
“Look at me! I have arrived! Look what I can achieve: I created a prime-rib-with-thyme-peppercorn-sauce-dinner-for-twelve while arbitrating a deal with a client on the cell phone between trips to Costco, Bristol Farms and Trader Joes after driving kids to three different lessons, ballet, soccer and softball with a baby on my hip who has a bad case of acid reflux. But doesn’t my table look nice?”
I will nod coyly at your compliments as if I didn’t hear them, or perhaps make an apology that the house isn’t as clean it should be, because that’s what I should do, right? Apologize for everything so I may wiggle out of you a dramatic protest, “Oh, no! The house looks fabulous! I don’t know how you do it all! You really are superwoman!”
What you won’t know is that my shining smile is a decoy for my right leg that is holding back a possible landslide of toys, magazines, dirty clothing, the dog bowls and bed (hopefully not the dog) that have been stuffed frantically into the entryway closet. What you won’t see was the tantrum my daughter made on the kitchen floor because her parakeet was immoveable from the tiny space it crawled into at the bottom of the fridge and my husband (not liking the parakeet) vowed to leave it there until it began smelling worse than the burnt garlic mashed potatoes on the stove. What you won’t hear were the sharp and mean-edged words this gourmet cook spat at her family because they were not lining up with the ideals of my gourmet dream. Now I ask you: isn’t it entertaining?
The concept of hospitality is quite different. Hospitality is about relationship. Being a foodie myself, (meaning one prone to love cooking and indulging frequently in the gourmet) I have found it difficult to let go and let relationship take precedence over appearance and gourmet perfection. It reminds me of a time when a friend wanted to picnic for lunch. “Oh!” I jumped in excited, “I’ll go to Trader Joes and get some smoked salmon, cream cheese and chocolate truffles!” I said completely out of habit, knowing well that I didn’t even have the money for it in my grocery budget.